Becoming a mom is like migrating to a new country; it’s a process of adjustment that takes time.
Life might feel out of control for a bit once your baby is home.
That’s why in my expert interview series with Annie Xystouris, a certified health coach, and the mom of a toddler, you will learn about everything related to our health, lifestyle, and how to have a healthy lifestyle in order to thrive and really progress in our goals.
Let us know more about you where you live and why you are doing what you do?
“So I live in Berlin. I’ve been here for the past three years, and my daughter is 22 months old, she will be two in August. And I often work with toddler moms like myself, who are exhausted and overwhelmed, and they don’t feel like themselves. And I help them go from this situation whether just coping to really thriving, I use the same word as you’re thriving, without feeling guilty.”
“And the reason why I do that, my why, is because I believe that it’s possible for women to be moms, and also thrive. Because there’s this well-kept accepted truth, let’s say in society that the minute you become a mom, you’re supposed to be exhausted and not feel well for the next 4 or 5 – 10 years. And I don’t think that should be, I believe that there’s another way and that’s what I help women do.”
How does motherhood make an impact on your life?
“My journey as a health coach, my journey towards health, started a few years ago. I was on contraception and when I stopped taking the contraceptive pill, my cycle didn’t return. I went to many different doctors and all of them were telling me that I was healthy, that my lab work was okay that there was nothing, that I should just take the pill. And then if I wanted to have a child later on in life, I would just have to do IVF.”
“And that answer didn’t really sit with me. Not that there’s anything wrong with doing IVF. But I was thinking, you know, if my cycles are here, there must be something wrong.”
“So I looked at my lifestyle. We keep hearing this word lifestyle, but what does it really mean? Well, it’s what you eat, how you sleep, how stressed you are, how connected you are with the people around you how much exercise you do, sometimes you do too much. And then in general, what is your mental and emotional, you know, status, how are you feeling?
“And I looked at all that and I got my health back. And that was really not only did I get my cycle back, but that’s also just a side effect. But the most important thing is that I discovered a new way of being because by looking at all these factors that I just mentioned, I was a different person, I had much more energy. I wasn’t bloated all the time. I was really felt like a better version of myself.
“And then I became a mom and all of these things just seemed impossible. It’s very difficult to really take care of yourself, it’s very difficult to continue to eat well, as well as all the things that I just mentioned. But I think it is possible, of course, you need to adapt because my life looks completely different than it looked before.
“But if you adapt, and if you get some support, then it is doable. You can do more than just go through the motions every day, doing the same thing and never having a moment to yourself, etc.”
“So that’s what brought me to what it is I do, and I decided to really concentrate on helping other moms because I feel that they need support.”
What are your tips for a healthy lifestyle as a mom of a toddler?
“Health, as I said, it’s really not just about food. Because when we think of health, we think of taking care of what you eat and doing some exercise. But it’s not only about that, but it’s also about your stress levels. It’s also about whether or not you’re getting enough sleep. It’s also about the thoughts that you’re having, the emotions you’re feeling. Everything is interlinked.”
“And so when I work with people, I work on a one on one basis. So I really look at what does this person needs, and it could be food. But food is also linked to stress. I mean, maybe it’s not your case, but many moms that I speak with, have this sort of emotional link to food because they’re stressed, and they reach out to sugar, for example. So stress is linked to food. It’s not just about having a food plan and following it. And so we look at all of these things, really an overview of your whole health.”
What are the barriers to having a healthy lifestyle?
“So let’s take exercise as an example. Because if you’re somebody that used to do a lot of exercises, you are used to running every day or take time for that. And then you have a toddler and you’re working and you just don’t have time for that. You can take much shorter breaks, like exercise breaks, it doesn’t have to be a whole hour. Honestly, YouTube is your friend. There are so many short workouts on YouTube 15 minutes, 20 minutes, it’s better than nothing.”
“If you can walk, it’s also exercise. Because we think of exercise, we have to wear the right clothes and do the right thing. If you just go for a brisk walk for 30 minutes a day and that can be after dinner. It doesn’t even have to be during the day. It doesn’t have to be bigger than that. So it’s all about adapting.
“And also with food, you know, complicated meals when we don’t have time for that. So we really got anything. So if you have a picky eater, it’s a different strategy, if you have a child that eats everything that they eat what you eat. But this sort of being mindful of it.”
“I think there are two elements in there. The first element is, when you organize your meals, somehow, at the beginning of the week, you have a general idea of what you will have every day. So the organization is a huge part of it. And then the second is when you’re eating, what are you doing at the same time? Are you looking at your phone? Are you looking at a show or TV? Are you there with your whole presence? And that you can center yourself by taking a few deep breaths, because before you start eating, for example. And you can sort of try and eat when maybe your toddler is not trying to ask something. Try mindful eating, so you can have a moment where you’re really enjoying your food.”
How important is it to have rest? How can it be integrated with our daily life?
“When people think of rest, they think of sleep. They are like, I need to rest it means I need a bed and lie down and I need to close my eyes and I need to fall asleep. That’s what rest is for most people. And I understand because, you know, especially because with toddlers, they no longer want to eat every three hours. But sometimes they still wake up in the middle of the night and you might have interrupted sleep, etc. And sleep is very important.”
“But, let’s use the word break.”
“You might need a break from your phone, your eyes are being stimulated all the time and if you put your phone aside, that also counts as rest. If you decide not to spend time with people that are not making you feel great or are a bit toxic, maybe that’s social rest. You’re only choosing to be surrounded by people that are empowered, that make you feel good, you might need emotional rest. You might not have done anything creative in a year or every two years and you might need to engage in something creative, that’s creative rest.”
“So there are lots of different types of rests. We’re not just talking about sleep even though sleep is important, but believe me, if you really examine all the other types of rest. You will feel more energized during the day. Even if you have less than your ideal amount of hours. Even if you have a tough day.”
“It’s all about adapting, you know if you wake up in the morning, and you had a tough day, and adapt to that, you know, make your day workaround.”
“For example, from the moms I’ve worked with, they had booked a gym class and but on the day of the gym class, they didn’t sleep at all because their child was sick. So they woke up and they knew they had planned to go to the gym. But they were feeling horrible, they couldn’t open their eyes, but in their minds, they need to go to the gym. But it should not be like that, don’t go to the gym if you’re exhausted. What’s the point? You might even injure yourself, you know, your body doesn’t want that on that day. So you can do it the day after”
“And be mindful of what your body is telling.”
“It’s crazy because we give birth and we spend these nine months growing a human being, we get disconnected from our body. We don’t listen to it anymore. It’s like the mind and the body is going in different directions. And I’m all for you know, let’s bring this together. How is your body feeling?”
“With regards to time, this is something that I also have to mention, I guarantee you if I give a mom who says she doesn’t have time to do all these things, if I give her two extra hours or even 10 extra hours, and her day has 20 or 34 hours instead of 24, you can make sure that she’s not going to use those 10 hours for her.”
What do you say to this kind of mama, who always gives all her time to her children?
“So first of all, I also come from a culture. So I come from Cyprus. And the ideal mom is exhausted, and she’s 100% or 150% there for her children, etc.
“And the first thing to do is to look at that mindset, look at the beliefs around motherhood. And it’s a very interesting and very deep exercise that I do with them. What do you consider a good mom? and be honest, because sometimes we’re not, but if you really go deep and you ask yourself, What do I consider as a good mom?”
“Very often, there are things like, a good mom is somebody who is like in front of others, but when she’s alone, she’s exhausted. She hates how she looks, she doesn’t take care of herself. She hasn’t made any friends in like five years. And if they’re honest with themselves, this is what they have in their mind and they feel like there’s a pressure to really be that mom.”
“If you don’t change your beliefs, and the values that are surrounding those beliefs that are making you not take care of yourself, you’re never going to do that. If you work with it with a coach that gives you a plan and whatever, if you don’t really deal with a core issue, the core issue is really the mind. If you don’t work on that, you know, it won’t be sustainable. It might work for a few months, but then it won’t be it won’t be sustainable. So it’s a very important shift that needs to happen.”
How do you make sure that you’re in your day, you have some rest? And what do you do for example?
“So personal example for myself. I in the mornings, most mornings, I asked for 10 minutes for my husband. So I when I wake up, and you know, my daughter is up, she wakes up very early as well, she’s a 6 am child, or even earlier, but I turned to my husband, and very honestly say, can I have 10 minutes, please.
“And by 10 minutes, I close the door, and I am in this room, which is my room. And I take those 10 minutes to do whatever feels right that day. Sometimes I journal, sometimes I just focus on my breath. Sometimes I do some very gentle yoga stretches. Sometimes I meditate. Sometimes I just look at the sight because it’s beautiful. So I just take those 10 minutes to start the day”
“I’m a big fan of starting the day well. Because if you start the day, and you get on a roller coaster immediately, that is the way the whole day will look like. Whereas if you start your day give a different flavor. And it’s more likely that the day will evolve, be better and better.”
“And I also try to minimize my screen time because I’ve noticed the effect it has, not just my eyes, but my whole mental well-being as well. So I really make myself put the phone down. I put my phone in airplane mode after 8:30. And I don’t look at it and I don’t care who calls me and who sends a message. I’m not available. Because for myself, I need that break. And that gives me it makes me breathe.”
What are your tips for moms who have trouble sleeping?
“Sleep impacts eating habits as well, not only stress. People don’t know that. But if you don’t sleep enough, you get more cravings the next day. That’s because there’s a hormone that is higher and another hormone that is lower. The hormone that makes you feel full, is low if you don’t sleep enough the day before. And so basically you’re hungry, and then the hormone that makes you that sends a signal to your brain saying. And so basically if you don’t sleep you you will eat more and you will make bad food choices. So it also influences the food.”
“But with regards to sleep, there are actually sleep coaches. And then other people are allergic to that. They don’t want to do that because their babies are going to cry the whole night, etc. But it’s not true. There are different methods, and there are many sleep coaches, you might get some very valuable advice from them. They are experts in that field.”
So I would say, it’s very tempting to stay up late, why? Because it’s the only time during the day that you’re not running around, cleaning things up, cooking, playing. And so of course, you want to use that time. Some moms stay up until one o’clock because they’re watching something on TV. They want “me” time, but then they end up not having enough sleep, etc.
“So the first thing I would advise would be to be mindful.”
“Set an alarm clock for yourself, be mindful, what time do you have to get up and what time to go to bed so that you feel okay the next day. And if you set by 11 PM you need to sleep, then by 10, don’t watch TV anymore because that keeps you off. You might start reading a book, etc. And you wind down and go to bed. And if you do that consistently, if you get enough sleep then you have more energy.
“And the other thing would be, think that it’s not forever. Because there’s a resistance, and I think the resistance comes in, in many forms when you’re a mom because your life is so different. And I have so much compassion and understanding for moms who are resistant to the idea of going to bed at 10 or at one even before they had a meal.”
“It’s not that you signed the contract with the universe and until you’re 70 you will always go to bed at 10. You can go back to going to bed early once your toddler is a bit older.”
What is your message to other moms?
“As moms, you can have a career as well and you can feel good. You can have high levels of well-being, you can be yourself. It doesn’t have to be this mini version that is in a drawer until your kids are 18 you know, you can still be yourself.”
You now know how to have a healthy lifestyle. Now, read on “How to Build a Habit that Stick“
